Monthly Archives: May 2016

Lost In The Moment With Coffee And a Spider

Like a little girl who was promised a pony on Christmas morning, I was seriously looking forward to an event at work in which Byron Katie was coming to talk (if you haven’t hear of her, you have to Google her. She’s AMAAAAHZING!!). Byron Katie is a world-renown speaker and author who teaches “The Work”, a method of self-inquiry that can end emotional suffering. I can’t speak highly enough about the tremendous power her technique has and how much it has contributed to my own healing.

I’m getting sidetracked…

Anyway, I was really looking forward to her coming to Stanford. Her tickets are normally $1,000 but I got to go for free, so there was no way I was going to miss this event! I went an hour early, grabbed a coffee and got the second to front row. Not bad! I was super excited, heart racing with so much anticipation to finally meet and see her!

The host introduced her, and in all her glory she walks on the stage, sits down, and I feel this complete sense of wonder and peace come over me.

Suddenly, I noticed a small spider crawling in a poofy-haired older women sitting in front of me. The spider was carefully crafting its web. I felt a moral obligation to inform her of the spider! After all, I would want someone to tell me if I had a spider in my hair. Then doubt came over me; I didn’t want to interrupt Byron Katie, and I certainly didn’t want to draw attention to myself or to this poofy-haired woman. I wondered how I could relay the message to this poofy-haired woman. A letter? A whisper? No… if I did that she might freak out, jump up and scream. What if I took my pencil and tried to take the spider from her hair? No… that would definitely cause a distraction. Bryon Katie might even think I’m raising my hand trying to speak…

The web took form. The spider was weaving in and out of this poofy-haired woman’s hair. I was torn. Oh, if only she knew… Oh, how can I tell her of this creature!? I decided that I would wait until after the presentation to tell her. I supposed that if the spider wasn’t even noticed by her, maybe it’s not that big of a deal after all.

My bladder was filling with the coffee I had chugged earlier. My pants began to feel tight. I started feeling uncomfortable. I was not about to miss this event I had long been awaiting! I refused to excuse myself. Slowly, I noticed that between the spider and the coffee I was having a hard time understanding the discussion.

The presentation ended. In fear of making a mess, I ran out of the building as if it was on fire, to the ladies room. As I walked out of the restroom it had occurred to me that I forgot to tell the lady about the spider.

It also occurred to me that I was so obsessed about the spider and my filling bladder that I completely missed out on really hearing that presentation…

 

Byron Katie’s website is here:

http://thework.com/en

All The Work is free and easily accessible. It’s wonderful! Try it!

 

It Will Get Easier (or not…)

I once confused “things will get easier” with “things will eventually change to your liking”.

Now I understand that as we go through the inevitable disappointments in life, as long as you are growing through it, your ability to overcome them gets stronger. That’s why things get easier. If your heart was a muscle, it could only be strengthened by working it out. Trying to find compassion or a loving response to something we want to violently strike down takes some serious heart strength!

When we run from, deny, avoid the inevitable disappointments (or stay resentful) we don’t learn anything. I.e., the heart never gets a work out. It’s equivalent to sitting on the couch eating junk wishing you were fit.

Things get easier, for sure, if you are learning and growing from your experiences. Problems don’t disappear (and unfortunately they never will- that’s life) but their affect on you might!

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Today is Your Day 1

dayone

I was talking with a good friend about “stuff”. About how I’ve grown and started seeing things more clearly. I talked about the challenges of my codependent behaviors and struggle to make decisions that are good for me; prioritizing my mental and physical health before others. After seeing how much damage I have caused myself for the past 35 years, I told him I was excited and ready to make changes.

His response was so simple: “That’s awesome. Today is your Day 1.”

I don’t know what it was about that simplistic response. It felt so good to know that any day can be my Day 1. Even at this age, today can be my Day 1. And if today doesn’t go according to plan, I felt relief that tomorrow can be my Day 1 also.

Every day is a choice. Just because we fail one day, or make a bad choice one day, doesn’t mean tomorrow has to follow suit.

One day at a time

Here’s to Day 1!