Three weeks ago, my husband told me the truth. The first time in our 2 years of marriage, he finally told me the truth on his own will. But what he told me was so shocking, and so unbelievable that I didn’t want to believe it. Everything inside me wanted to believe it was just his “addict brain” talking. He had quit his recovery program a few months prior, so I had reason to suspect his acting out had gotten out of hand. He started dating a few women, and continued his rendezvous with prostitutes, escorts, and erotic Asian and Russian massage parlor women (his fetish). So when he told me, “I’ve never loved you. I am just using you because of the green card…” my mind and heart shut down. No! How could this be? How could I have not seen the red flags?? I sat with that for a few days, rehashing and ruminating on our past, and I had realized that is probably why I never felt loved. That is probably why he was always so abusive, angry, threatening, and cheating. That’s why he didn’t care about his recovery program. No wonder!
So what does all this mean for me now? What do I with that information? I reached out to an online Victims of Immigration Fraud Support Group that referred me to the US Consulate in Mexico. My first thought was, if I tell them the truth, they will tell him! And then he will retaliate with violence and possibly kidnap our baby! I can’t tell anyone! I reached out to an Immigration Attorney, who told me it would be confidential. I had to believe her, because I knew I couldn’t keep following this man and complying with his demands.
The immigration attorney advised me to write a letter to USCIS, cc’ing the local office, NVC, and ICE. I did. And now I fear deeply for my and my child’s safety. What will happen? How will this play out? Who do I go to for legal protection? What if he takes my child? I reached out to my family law attorney who said that legally he had a right to equal visitation, and joint custody. There was nothing I could do. My husband knew that too. I knew that if I tried to keep him from the baby he would get even more angry and maybe even take a harsher retaliation against me. I was stuck and had to comply with him just to keep him “calm”.
He has caused so much damage to this country, spreading STDs, engaging in illegal and immoral sexual acts with prostitutes, cheating his taxes, driving recklessly drunk, speeding, accumulating large amounts of tickets and warning letters from the DMV, gambling away all of our money, not paying his taxes, in debt and in collections with several companies/banks, and daily hurting innocent and vulnerable women that trust him, putting our child in unhealthy environments, and exposing him to drunken men and prostitutes/escorts at their new home. While we applied thinking that without him it would be a serious hardship for me, it has been an abusive, dangerous, and severe hardship with him HERE IN THE U.S. His presence in the US and in our family has caused us more harm and hardship than we can handle. It has caused extreme stress and anxiety in our home, and we are constantly living in fear of his addictive behaviors and violent behavior. He is dangerous. He is abusive. He is VIOLENT.
And because I missed all the red flags… it came this far. My son is now a child of a narcissistic sociopath addict that has caused serious damage and distress to this country. And there’s nothing I can do about that. Family Law says I have to prove his abuse. I have no proof. They say even ICE won’t deport him because they have no resources or time for it.
He insists that “for the best interest of our baby”, I should continue the green card process so that our baby can “have a father”. I worry that his abusive and addictive nature is NOT in the best interest of our baby, for me, and definitely NOT for this country, and after a lot of thought I came to the conclusion that the best thing for me, my family, and for this country, was to withdraw the entire visa/green card application. It was the only thing I could do. He may never be sent back to Mexico. He will likely end up continuing to live in the shadows, taking part in criminal actives and exposing my baby to his nasty and destructive addiction behaviors. But if I can share my story, maybe people will start to see… maybe it can help someone else…