This week marks the 3rd month since my husband left and the feeling of loneliness has suddenly crept up on me unexpectedly. Trying to figure out how to overcome my loneliness, I started by asking myself, “how do I cure this loneliness!?” And so I started thinking of times when I did NOT feel lonely, and decided to do more of that.
This is what I got:
- Doing what I like (activities)
- Talking to someone
- Feeling of being heard
- Sense of enjoyment in small things (like a great cup of tea/coffee, wine and cheese, or the smell of jasmine flowers in the wind, just for an example)
- Being/going somewhere new
- Trying something new (food or activity)
- Playing with my kids / watching my kids play
- Walking my dogs
- Being in nature
- Helping others
- Learning something fascinating
- Reading a good book
- Listening to friends talk about their lives
- Changing the environment
- Warm baths
- Getting out of my comfort zone
Then I asked myself: why is loneliness so bad?
Maybe it’s not..
Actually, if we don’t get used to loneliness, we will always run from it. And sometimes it’s inevitable. Maybe it’s something that once we are able to “deal with it” it doesn’t overpower us or cripple us and lead us to do things that we later regret. It doesn’t put us in unhealthy relationships for the sake of “not being alone”.
Being alone and being lonely are two totally different things. Being alone is a great thing to do sometimes. Pooping for example, is a great thing to do by yourself alone… Feeling lonely, however, is feeling disconnected. So we desperately search for some kind of connection, even if it’s shallow, fake, or damaging to our well-being. That leads to us feeling MORE lonely, not less. Like a drug that temporarily leaves us feeling “relaxed”; the moment it wears off, we are back to our feeling of loneliness, and we immediately grab for our drug of choice again- and sometimes that drug of choice is not just something we put into our bodies, but things we do with our bodies or what we allow to be done to our bodies.
The moment we are able to connect with ourselves, we realize that the thing we were running from the WHOLE time was never loneliness, but ourselves. We were running from ourselves, our feelings, our emotions, and after being away from ourselves for so long, that abandoned “place” has been left messy.
So let’s go back to ourselves, clean up the mess, and find peace so that there is nothing to run from. When the place we come back to is all cleaned up, it starts to really feel like “home” and being “home” starts to feel good.
It becomes a place that we not only find comfort and peace at,
but a place that other people genuinely find peace and comfort as well.
This makes us happy people and makes us better partners, parents, lovers, friends, workers, you name it.
There is only one way out of our suffering and that is through it. The longer we spend running away from it, the longer we’re going to spend our lives thinking that something is chasing us. We run, and run, and run away from that loneliness, not realizing that no matter how fast we run, it’s not at our heels, its INSIDE us. We CAN’T run from it…
After we have run as far as we could run, feeling exhausted and defeated, with no more distractions at our disposal, we have no where else to go…but… inside.
So why waste any more time? Go inside and say hello to this loneliness. Clean up the mess, and finally feel at home, be at true genuine peace, once and for all. Then throw a house-warming party and invite all your friends. Now it’s party time!