Monthly Archives: October 2017

On Love & Rigidity


A very dear friend of mine will send me songs every now and then, to listen to. Every time I get one, it feels like a little gift wrapped up, waiting to be unwrapped, listened to, and enjoyed. They are all new, and all different. It’s one of those small things I secretly, anxiously look forward to… 

There was one song that I particularly loved. I listened to it over and over. Curiosity crept in and I wanted to know the lyrics, so I searched for it on YouTube and found a version with lyrics. I was shocked to read the lyrics. Maybe I’m getting old, or maybe I’m just too sensitive. But the lyrics triggered something inside me and I suddenly judged this song, that I had loved so much, as a bad song, and decided I couldn’t listen to it anymore.

It seems silly, I know. But it made me realize how quick we are to put meaning on something, leaving us to separate ourselves from people and things that would or could have otherwise, brought us significant joy…

Blinded by my ego, or fear, maybe both, I told my friend that I had listened to the lyrics and decided I couldn’t listen to it anymore. He laughed and said the lyrics were not bad at all. It turns out out the version he sent me was a clean version and the YouTube version was the explicit version. I laughed at myself for being so quick to judge- so rigid… 

What a simple example but HUGE growth opportunity almost missed. Maybe… just maybe… people are like songs. ALL unique. All beautiful. Each one has its own purpose. Some are liked more than others. All having their own origin, roots, and depth. But it’s all beautiful in its own way, and when we start placing meaning on each one, based on our biased perspectives and experiences, we have to be careful about labeling it as good or bad. 

If we see everyone as a unique song, maybe it would be easier to just enjoy the music…and maybe even dance. 

On Being Lonely

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We become lonely because we yearn for connection from another human being. We desire to be heard, understood, and appreciated. And when these fundamental needs aren’t met, we feel lonely.

With these feelings we look outward for friends, events, romantic partners, and sometimes even addictions to fill that empty feeling looming deep inside of us.

And when we finally find that friend, romantic partner, or we go to event after event, we still feel empty in the short breaks in between. And we take great notice of that lonely feeling, and more often than not, we are pulled to fill even those small moments with anything so long as we don’t feel that loneliness.

The moment in which we feel the most connected with another person, is when we feel vulnerable. Why? Because we have exposed ourselves, our hearts. We have allowed another person to sit with that with which we were uncomfortable sitting alone with. And when we find that even under our deepest vulnerabilities and flaws, we are still loved, we are still valued, we are still WORTHY, it is then that we feel complete.

Paradoxically, without other people, we are incapable of “exposing” our vulnerabilities, yet it is precisely these vulnerabilities that we are afraid of exposing for fear that we will be rejected. Being vulnerable takes risk. It takes being humble, and a bit of humility. Being vulnerable takes a tremendous amount of courage. Most importantly, being vulnerable means being human. We are all flawed.

There’s a catch, and it’s a rather big catch. The trick to maintaining that feeling of being whole is to embrace all those vulnerabilities on your own. Being whole isn’t contingent on anyone but yourself. So if you find yourself courageous enough to humble yourself and become vulnerable, in that moment of vulnerability, know that it is not to gain acceptance or love by another but to live in your truth. And yes, if there is anything that you see in yourself that you do not like, you alone are responsible for changing it.

People are mirrors that reflect both the things we love about ourselves and the things we despise. This is why being vulnerable and true in your relationship is so important- to clearly see what is being reflected back to us.

When you begin loving and embracing who you are, we begin to love ourselves, and when we end up in moments with ourselves, we suddenly realize, we are not alone, and we are whole.