What Two Failed Marriages Taught Me

When I was 25 I was so immature and needy… I depended on my first husband to appease me. I couldn’t see that making me happy or taking away my insecurities wasn’t his job. I truly felt it was his job. I also wanted him to see how horrible he was so he would change.. I kinda thought it was good that I was “helping” him change to be a better person… lol… I didn’t realize his “flaws” were just my perspective based on my personal needs. I also didn’t know that people don’t change unless they want to and decide on their own terms. No matter how right and justified I was, nothing could change a person unless they wanted that.

My second marriage confirmed those findings and so my lesson in that marriage was true love- how to love someone unconditionally… as is… and then how to love myself.

The loss of my second marriage brought me to my next lesson, which was my relationship with life. I came to learn (believe) that I am on a journey separate from everyone else- that we are all on our own individual journey. I must honor and respect them, have faith that their journeys are theirs and theirs alone to learn what lessons they are supposed to learn in life without my help.

I learned that I owe no one anything and no one owes me anything. I am not here to teach anyone anything and no one is here to teach me anything. I am to make meaning of my life in whatever way I feel best, to live by that meaning as best I can, as I navigate my way, albeit clumsily, throughout my very short life here on earth.

When trouble comes my way, or someone brings drama, I am but to focus on how I believe I should best process the situation and move on. I should not insist anyone see things my way or do things my way. If they were interested in what I had to say, they would ask.

Rather, my job was to simply state my reality, do what I think is best in that moment, and move on.

There will be those that will criticize me and blame me. People will mock me, judge me, and harm me. My job is to do the best I can to be the person I wish to show up as in this life, and move on.

If I fail, or if someone generously points out my failures, I will take note, and move on. For my life is mine and mine alone.

If someone comes into my life and wishes to share their journey with me, it will be based on respect and honor for our separate journeys, as we walk then together but separate as two separate but whole individuals. We will see each other as perfectly imperfect.

This person will see me as I am and adore me wholeheartedly, with no need or desire for me to change. And I too, shall see the same in this person. We will communicate with respect. We will be at peace. When there is love, there is freedom. When there is freedom there is love. Because of this freedom, we will share joy because joy is what we are.

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