Recently someone told me, “how could anyone love you now?” He was referencing the fact that I have two kids and have divorced twice.
Those words sat with me for a few weeks. Maybe he’s right. Who could possibly love someone like me?
For weeks I deeply and genuinely considered accepting that fact. For weeks I was ready to accept that I was not put on this earth to be truly loved by a man. I figured maybe my life purpose was to do great things alone, and that was completely fine. After all, I love myself! I really love who I am, where I am in life, and what I’ve accomplished. So what if no man could ever love me. Yeah, the thought made me feel a little lonely, but nevertheless I’d be fine. After all I’ve gone through, maybe I was being selfish or stupid to think life would be a little bit better, and definitely a lot more fun with a life partner… Maybe that’s the price I have to pay for all of my mistakes. I can accept that. Life is still pretty awesome.
And then it finally hit me: What he told me is not true. Maybe what he told me was actually something he was feeling about himself.
The truth is there is a little (and sometimes BIG) part of EVERYONE that feels unlovable or unworthy.
You giving your body and heart to someone who is incapable of love doesn’t make you unlovable. You mistakenly trusting people who have bad (or ZERO) good intentions toward you does NOT make you unlovable.
Does it make you naive? Perhaps.
Does it mean you suck at picking potential partners? Possibly, but that can be fixed.
Does it mean you made a few mistakes? Yeah, it does.
But it does NOT make you unlovable, and it definitely does NOT make you unworthy. And THAT’S where the difference lies.
Truly loving another person is hard, and the reason is because love takes tremendous courage. Love requires an open heart and mind, faith, patience, and a commitment to go back again and again to acting in a loving way, BEING LOVING, even when we don’t want to or feel like it. Even when shit gets a little scare and we aren’t sure. It means forgiving when we feel we’ve been wronged. It means fully owning and being accountable for our part of the problem. REAL LOVE is so, so very hard to actually do.
And the truth is that sometimes it takes quite a bit of having your heart broken, crushed into tiny pieces even, to fully grasp the awesomeness of this REAL LOVE, to genuinely appreciate what it means to LOVE and BE LOVED. The truth is that not a lot of people are ready or willing to experience REAL LOVE, at least not yet.
But you do. You get it.
And that’s why you continue to love.
So if you are reading this and have ever felt the way I did, please don’t believe it any longer. Don’t let those thoughts seep any further under your skin. Don’t let them anywhere near your heart, because it isn’t true. You are lovable. You are worthy. You are SO VERY worthy of love, because THAT IS WHO YOU ARE.