The extent of the damage we cause to ourselves and others, in trying to relieve ourselves from our perceived suffering, can be minimized when we finally accept and realize that we cannot control others.
If we were to be brutally honest with ourselves we would understand that our suffering is the result of either (a) the natural consequences of our shitty choices, thoughts, attitude, or behavior or (b) because of something completely out of our control.
In either case, when we hold someone else responsible for making our suffering go away, we are in essence running from our responsibilities. We are trying to make someone else change so that we don’t have to feel the way we feel. We make ourselves a powerless victim. We strip ourselves of our power, and we give all the power to the person that we believe is causing suffering.
JOY comes in and out of our life. It’s a wonderful feeling. And just like JOY, suffering also comes in and out of our life. Without one you can’t have the other. Just like we can’t feel warmth if we’ve never felt cold. But the good news is we can significantly decrease our suffering.
As we mature, we learn that trying to make others change only leads to more suffering. We may think our mini battles with this person is making a difference, but it is just a distraction from the real problem. We delude ourselves into thinking we’re taking action on a problem, when in reality we are running into a glass wall over and over and over again. We can’t see the wall in front of us. We have to stop, clear our vision, and open our minds (the door).
We’re constantly on the search for an escape from suffering and discomfort. We are at a constant war with the world, with ourselves, with others, and with reality, and that is the ultimate source of suffering.
Eventually, we come to realize that the only thing we will ever have control over is our attitude and how we face suffering and discomfort. Interestingly, this (our attitude) is our primary source of JOY and this JOY can be made and experienced as much as you want.
Joy begins pouring into our lives, and suffering is minimized when you stop trying to change others. You become allies with Life. You come to understand yourself and your fellow humans a little better. Life gets easier, because you get better at dealing with it.