Category Archives: Gratitude

“Negative and Positive Energy” – WTF does it mean?

The Super Easy & Simplified Explanation of “Energy” and How You Have The Power To Change It

I was 29 when I first heard about “energy” and had no clue what it meant. My family-friend who had always inspired me (and ended up being my “spiritual adviser” (a.k.a. the one who kept me real when things got bad in life) was telling me about personal responsibility, and how if I focus on how I perceive the bad stuff that is happening to me as bad stuff, it feels worse (both physically and emotionally) than if I were to find the “blessing” in it. This was my first exposure to this kind of thinking and the concept is still a little vague to me. One thing for sure though, is I had realized I had spent 29 years of my life blaming others for disappointing me and hurting me and needlessly suffering for 29 years. And this was my first experience with “energy”, which at first sounds like a bunch of spiritual mumbo-jumbo, but is in fact, a simple truth to the basic human psychology. I believe that if you can master this, you will have ultimately mastered your mind.

spiritual energy

So what is “energy”?
The complicated version: Energy is basically anything and everything and it can move to anywhere and anyone at anytime from anyone and anywhere at anytime. It is from an infinite source in which no one can take too much and there not be enough for someone else. It can be positive energy, negative energy, or the “blah” kind of energy, and you can take as much or as little as you want, whenever you want. You can share it with billions of people and still have your share, if not more.

The simple version: The feeling and/or emotion you have at any moment in time. If you want to feel good, you can. If you want to feel bad, you can. And if you want to feel blah, you can. Neither kind of energy is valued as “good” or “bad”. It’s just energy, and it can be helpful or detrimental, depending on how you use it because the catch is… it’s contagious… For example, if you saw a horrible vicious attack on an innocent victim and you felt enraged, it’s not necessarily “bad” energy, because it’s a “negative” event, nor is “rage” a negative feeling. That rage could be just what you need to stand up for justice and protect that person (or even inspire others to stand up with you in solidarity- maybe even start a movement!). Similarly, let’s say you had a burst of “joy” seeing someone you didn’t like suffering a little (admit it, we all have that feeling). It’s a “nice” feeling (oooooh, that lovely feeling of revenge…), but that “nice” feeling isn’t necessarily positive enough to make the world (or you) a better place or person. And sometimes we don’t feel anything, and that’s fine. Not everything, nor every moment needs you to feel something or respond to right away, or ever.

So as you can see, the skillful recognition, understanding, and management of how and when we use these energies is ultimately what makes the difference in creating the life that makes us happy, successful, fulfilled, and productive.

Now for my personal experience…(What would a blog be without the personal touch?)

A few months ago, I learned of the ultimate betrayal towards me. My heart was crushed. My world came crumbling down on my physically and emotionally. I didn’t know what to do or even how to feel. It was like negative energy and blah energy at the same time. I wanted to scream, and escape, while at the same time, I didn’t know if I was sad, mad, or simply cutting off all of my emotions just because they were too much for me to handle at the time. Even though it sounded like the easiest way around the pain, ending my life wasn’t an option. I couldn’t eat. I couldn’t sleep. I couldn’t smile. I couldn’t think, or hear, or even breathe normally. And I let that stay that way for quite a while (3 weeks or so). It was a dark, cold, lonely moment for me, and I tried in every way I knew how to “fix” myself from feeling so horribly. I did lots of crazy stuff, like dousing myself in Essential Oils, exercise, reading the Bible, spiritual passages, writing, watching motivational videos, empowerment videos, listened to empowering music, sleeping, breaking stuff… yelling, crying, etc.), and no matter what I did I couldn’t escape from it. So I embraced it.

I decided I would feel every bit of it. All the sadness, all the feelings of betrayal, all the pain, all the tightness in the chest, the pounding heart, the crushed soul, the shock, disbelief, the doubt, curiosity, the lump in the throat. I would intentionally take it all in and embrace it. “THIS is what everyone feels when they experience this kind of stuff,” I told myself. “It’s normal, and although it isn’t anything I would wish on anyone, I will walk through this fire with my head high, brave, fearless, and ultimately, a better person.”

Motorcycle Details

Slowly, each feeling dissipated. Anger was the first to leave. Fear was next. Sadness is on the recession but still there. And that’s fine. For now. Slowly, I started noticing that all the things that made me happy were still there (I had just forgotten about them because I was so focused on the bad stuff). My favorite green rolling hills covered in yellow madia flowers and grazing horses were always right there, every day, on my commute to work. My son was always there, ready to read a book and talk a little before bed. My puppies were always there, wagging their tail and following me around the house, full of happiness for just being next to me. My heart was beating. And while my health has now been compromised, I’m alive and still full of every opportunity I’ve ever had before in life. And… my friends were still there, ready to listen to anything and help me through it. I wasn’t alone, never was, and never will be.

It isn’t that optimist crap, or me pretending that the problem isn’t there. This is me harnessing the power of pulling positive energy from the infinite abundant source of “positive energy” to replace the “negative energy” that was clouding my personal world and (what felt like) was sucking me of my soul and devouring me alive.

You see, the more I remembered and looked for those things that brought me happiness (or good feelings), the less “bad” I felt about what had happened. And the less bad I felt, and more genuinely “happy” I felt about other areas in my life, the more empowered I was, the more courage I had to move forward. My appetite slowly came back. My smile would show up every now and then. And eventually, I remembered how to laugh again and be silly. I was able to look at the person who had caused the pain and not feel anger. I accepted I had no control over what had happened. It happened…. More importantly, I realized that happened didn’t happen TO me. It was simply, an experience, that invoked a roller coaster of emotions, and thus many energies as well. It doesn’t make it right what happened. No, it was totally wrong. It was horrible, and appropriate steps have been taken to “right the wrong”.

But the point is, bad stuff happens to everyone, anywhere, all the time and it sucks. It truly, deeply sucks really, really bad. But it doesn’t have to suck forever, and you will feel better. When you’re ready. And the feelings and emotions that you are experiencing because of all that crappy stuff is, unfortunately, yours and yours alone. You gotta take that responsibility for it…even though (I know!) we’d rather give that job to someone else).

Maybe not the greatest example, but that, in a nutshell, is negative and positive energy.

Your Reality, My reality, and Living Peacefully Within The Two

priroda-osen-listya-travaSAID A BLADE OF GRASS

Said a blade of grass to an autumn leaf, “You make such a noise falling! You scatter all my winter dreams.”

Said the leaf indignant, “Low-born and low-dwelling! Songless, peevish thing! You live not in the upper air and you cannot tell the sound of singing.”

Then the autumn leaf lay down upon the earth and slept. And when spring came she waked again — and she was a blade of grass.

And when it was autumn and her winter sleep was upon her, and above her through all the air the leaves were falling, she muttered to herself, “O these autumn leaves! They make such noise! They scatter all my winter dreams.”

The paradox of all relationships is that when we find ourselves with someone that is so different than us, if they do something that pisses us off we tend to conclude that they have some serious mental problems and need to change or fit into our mold in order for us to get along, when actually it’s simply that not only are they their own being, but they have their core values and beliefs are different than our own. We tend to put a value on their behavior with the label “right” or “wrong” with anything they do, say, or believe that is similar to us as being “right” and everything that goes against what we believe as “wrong”. Our natural reaction is to either “fix” them, point out their flaws, or run the hell away from them. When these people are around us and their behavior or their attitude conflicts with what we are aiming to achieve, the conflicting values make us feel uncomfortable and causes a sense of tension between us, and sometimes a standing animosity.

over-under

To put things into perspective, let’s use a simple example of which way you replace the toilet paper (if you even do that, or just leave it for the next person to take care of). Some people would argue that the toilet paper should always be facing out, while others believe it best to face in (and then there are those that couldn’t care less which way the TP faces). I personally believe that facing out is better, because you can tear it off easier. But that is my reality. It is also true, and just as valid that putting the toilet paper facing in is also very practical to someone. You’re thinking, “like who? Right?” Like people different than us. And that is precisely the paradox I’m speaking of: Us vs Them.

Because we are so different, and our values are conflicting, we tend to default to creating walls between us. It’s safer that way, and we don’t ever have to deal with that uncomfortableness ever again…until we come into contact with another person that isn’t in alignment with our beliefs. By avoiding these differences, building walls, or holding an “Us vs Them” attitude we gradually lower our tolerance to variance and ultimately make ourselves “allergic” to things that make us uncomfortable. Our intolerance for difference is what causes conflict, war, hatred, and animosity.

walls

Just as there are different realities, there are different ways of thinking about this topic as well, and this blog is just my own projection of my own reality. For example, there are some people that believe walls should be built between those very different from ourselves for whatever reason. There are some people that believe that through continued effort to communicate and negotiate, you can eventually reach a win-win. I think in many cases, a win-win approach is quite possible as long as both parties follow the rules agreed upon. But I think the key to long-term conflict resolution (especially when communicating and negotiating doesn’t work) is to respect an alternate reality and acknowledge it can be just as valid and true as our own, because the fact is, we are not that person. I am me. You are you. We did not live the other person’s life. We do not have their background and experiences.

If there is a God, and God made each and every one of us, that means that we are all special. But that also assumes that we are all a little different in a variety of ways. And the experiences that we go through further create differences- some of them great and some of them not so. But it is my belief that there can be a peaceful coexistence among multiple realities (Keep in mind, I’m not talking about psycho serial killers and things of that nature. I’m talking about basic human interaction and a wide variety of relationships we find ourselves getting in and out of throughout our lives).

That said, if we could just accept the notion that in this great big world, there are people out there living a completely different reality than yours- a reality that makes absolutely no sense to us. There are people that are aware of those differences but firmly believe that they are right and the other is wrong. What I’m saying is, you don’t have to understand why someone does something, and you don’t have to like what they do in order to be at peace with them.
There are a number of possible realities, with yours being one of them, and all of them are different, and equally valid for each of us in our lifetime. What if we tried respecting the idea that although they are completely different than you, although what they think, say, believe or do makes absolutely no sense to you, that it’s ok. That weird thing about them does not remove any value they have as a human being, and doesn’t necessarily qualify them as being a bad person, or even an unloving person.

My personal opinion is that if God didn’t want them on the planet, he/she wouldn’t have created that person in the first place. All people, the people similar to you and the people different than you have some huge genius purpose in this world. It’s easier said than done, but you can actually trust the Universe. Sometimes nothing makes sense immediately, but it all falls into place in the end, and if you want to love others and be loved in all of Love’s true glory, it’s better to open the door to your heart to uncertainty a little more.

How To Finally Let Go and Let Live in ONE Week!

Here is a FREE 7-day program that will finally allow you to let go and let live. All in ONE week!

After learning this technique, my life was changed forever, and I thought I’d share this little gift with the world, so here it is, in 5 easy steps!
rocks-18692813
1) Go out and find a large rock. It should be light enough to fit in your pocket and heavy enough to feel the weight. Now name it. You can write that name on it or not. Whatever works for you. I called my rock “Stress”, with other pet names such as “Anger”, “Frustration”, “Worry”, and “Resentment”.

2) Put your new rock in your pocket and carry it with you every where you go. No pocket? No problem! Just hold it. Put it in your purse, your backpack, your bra. Whatever you got! Taking a shower? No problem. Bring it with you. This rock will be your new best friend for the next week.

3) After the first few days, reflect on how you feel. Not bad, right? No biggie. Still not sure what’s the point? That’s ok. Keep carrying it. Talk to it. Feed it. If you give it enough attention it will grow!

4) After three days, reflect on how you feel. Did people ask you about it? Did you find it getting in the way of things you wanted to do? Places you wanted to go? A little embarrassed? Did it become such a burden on your day that you weren’t as productive as you could have been? Are you starting to feel weighed down? Keep carrying it! Introduce it to your friends!

5) After the 7th day, reflect how you feel. Are you ready to throw that rock away? Are you ready to end the friendship you’ve developed to it? Ready to let it go? Or do you want to carry it around a little longer? At this point it’s your choice. You can carry it with you for as long as you want. You can also choose to leave it and carry on with your life.

“Stress”, “Worry”, “Frustration”, “Regret”, “Insecurity”, “Fear”… She was my best friend for nearly 25 years. I loved her. She was there for me. She never let me down when I needed a really good excuse for not doing something. The comfort of holding on to our relationship seemed more easy than letting her go. But one day, I decided it was time to go our different paths… And my life has never been the same.

Now I realize that it was my choice all along to carry all that stress, worry, frustration, regret, insecurity and fear with me. Letting go was never the hard part. It was carrying it with me for 25 years that was the ultimate burden.

DISCLAIMER:
This site and the information referenced herein does not constitute an attempt to practice medicine. Use of the site does not establish a doctor-patient relationship. The information presented on this web site is not intended to take the place of your personal physician’s advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure or prevent any disease.

BTTB – Going Back to the Basics in Moments of Strife

Often times people will ask me for a “quick fix” to a specific problem that they may be having, and each time I try to reach into the back of my mind for quotes, books, movies or songs that helped me in my (one of several) times of struggle, and although there are so many inspiring messages out there, I always find myself going back to the same piece of advice – Find gratitude in this moment, because it is an essential piece to something greater.

When I was at the peak of my troubles- or should I say the birth of my freedom- I fell upon an audio book by someone I can’t remember now, but what they said stayed with me and it was to always maintain the attitude of gratitude. I think that came from “The Secret” or was at least inspired by it. The point was to trust that at this very moment, recognize that everything is just as it should be. To trust and recognize that you have everything you need for this very moment, and that the struggles were also a part of what I “need”. I’m not going to go into detail right now (perhaps some day I will) about what all that means, but I was at my greatest despair. I had taken a great leap of faith in ending an abusive marriage and took on two jobs to take care of my son and two dogs. I was scared, insecure, alone, and had been told for years that I would never be able to make it on my own. For me, having confidence in my decision was one thing, but being grateful for the repercussions that came out of it (a lot of hard work and navigating my life as a single mother all alone) was key.

It’s been 4 years, and although I’ve come really far, the inevitable downfalls in life will occasionally dampen my spirits. In those times, I like to remember the speech, “Gratitude” (spoken by Brother David Steindl-Rast, music by Gary Malkin, and Louis Schwartzberg’s cinematography):

“You think this is just another day in your life. It’s not just another day. It’s the one day that is given to you today. It’s given to you. It’s a gift. it’s the only gift that you have right now and the only appropriate response is gratefulness. If you do nothing else but to cultivate that response to the great gift that this unique day is, if you learn to respond as if it were the first day in your life and the very last day, then you will have spent this day very well.

Begin by opening your eyes and be surprised that you have eyes that can open. That incredible array of coors that is constantly offered to us for our pure enjoyment. Look at the sky. We so rarely look at the sky. We so rarely note how different it is from moment to moment with clouds coming and going. We just think of the weather, and even with the weather we don’t think of all the nuances of weather. We just think of good weather and bad weather.

This day right now is unique weather. Maybe a kind that will never be the same as it is right now. Open your eyes.

Look at that. Look at the faces of whom you meet. Each one has an incredible story behind their face. A story that you could never fully fathom. Not only their own story, but the story of their ancestors. We all go back so far. And in this present moment, on this day, all the people you meet, and all that life from generations and from so many places from all over the world, flows together and meets you here, like a life giving water, if you only open your heart and drink.

Open your heart to the incredible gift that civilization gives to us. You flip a switch and there is electric light. You turn a faucet and there is warm water and cold water, and drinkable water. It’s a gift that millions and millions of people in the world will never experience.

These are just a few of an enormous number of gifts that we can open our heart to. So I wish that you will open your heart to all these blessings and let them flow through you. Let everyone who you will meet be blessed by you. Just by your eyes, by your smile, by your touch, just by your presence. Let the gratefulness overflow into blessings all around you. And then, it will really be a good day.”