Category Archives: Mindfulness

How To Finally Let Go and Let Live in ONE Week!

Here is a FREE 7-day program that will finally allow you to let go and let live. All in ONE week!

After learning this technique, my life was changed forever, and I thought I’d share this little gift with the world, so here it is, in 5 easy steps!
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1) Go out and find a large rock. It should be light enough to fit in your pocket and heavy enough to feel the weight. Now name it. You can write that name on it or not. Whatever works for you. I called my rock “Stress”, with other pet names such as “Anger”, “Frustration”, “Worry”, and “Resentment”.

2) Put your new rock in your pocket and carry it with you every where you go. No pocket? No problem! Just hold it. Put it in your purse, your backpack, your bra. Whatever you got! Taking a shower? No problem. Bring it with you. This rock will be your new best friend for the next week.

3) After the first few days, reflect on how you feel. Not bad, right? No biggie. Still not sure what’s the point? That’s ok. Keep carrying it. Talk to it. Feed it. If you give it enough attention it will grow!

4) After three days, reflect on how you feel. Did people ask you about it? Did you find it getting in the way of things you wanted to do? Places you wanted to go? A little embarrassed? Did it become such a burden on your day that you weren’t as productive as you could have been? Are you starting to feel weighed down? Keep carrying it! Introduce it to your friends!

5) After the 7th day, reflect how you feel. Are you ready to throw that rock away? Are you ready to end the friendship you’ve developed to it? Ready to let it go? Or do you want to carry it around a little longer? At this point it’s your choice. You can carry it with you for as long as you want. You can also choose to leave it and carry on with your life.

“Stress”, “Worry”, “Frustration”, “Regret”, “Insecurity”, “Fear”… She was my best friend for nearly 25 years. I loved her. She was there for me. She never let me down when I needed a really good excuse for not doing something. The comfort of holding on to our relationship seemed more easy than letting her go. But one day, I decided it was time to go our different paths… And my life has never been the same.

Now I realize that it was my choice all along to carry all that stress, worry, frustration, regret, insecurity and fear with me. Letting go was never the hard part. It was carrying it with me for 25 years that was the ultimate burden.

DISCLAIMER:
This site and the information referenced herein does not constitute an attempt to practice medicine. Use of the site does not establish a doctor-patient relationship. The information presented on this web site is not intended to take the place of your personal physician’s advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure or prevent any disease.

Keeping One Foot On the Ground and One Foot In the Sky

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A few weeks back I had, what turned out to be a very inspirational 2-hour lunch with my very good friend and ex-colleague. We met with the intention of catching up and talking about my new career goals, but what I got from it was something more profound and unexpected. I’ve always seen this friend of mine as successful, so naturally I respected every word she said. When we think so highly of someone’s ideas, sometimes we tend to think that everyone else feels the same way. I forgot how it all came together, but we were talking about how in search for our “higher self” it’s common to meet people that just “don’t get it” (or simply, people who don’t see things the way we do, don’t believe what we believe, or don’t think the way we think). She casually mentioned how her husband, for example, wouldn’t have a clue what we were talking about because his brain “just doesn’t work that way” and that was fine. I was surprised because I had just assumed that because they seemed like such a tight loving family that she and her hubby agreed on everything. Nope!

It got me thinking… Often, when we set ourselves on a mission to better ourselves, or reconnect with our higher selves, we run into people that get excited about what we are doing and saying. We connect with them. They’re just like us! So we like them! We get so “high” on this new found “self” because we are surrounded by people that reinforce our beliefs. In a sense, we’ve got our heads in the sky, and that is a very fun place to be! So we keep following this path, because who wants to be around people that “just don’t get it”? But in this process… we forget where we came from. We bump into someone who doesn’t agree with us, or who has a different view on life and almost like a protective mechanism, we clam up and divide ourselves between “them” and “us” and this division destroys the very core of what we are – human beings.

I recently almost fell into a blind state in which I was very happy with nearly every aspect of my relationship with my significant other…except that we didn’t share the same amount of passion for this “spirituality” and I noticed instead of me growing into a better person and better partner, I was allowing that difference to come between myself and one seriously amazing man- who, coincidentally, is far more “grounded” than I am. That was when it hit me… WTF am I doing? What is this damned spirituality doing to me and my connection to other humans? And how the heck can I keep grounded in both “worlds”?

After 33 years of life, I think I’ve come to accept that there are nearly as many different beliefs about life as there are people in this world. If there are 7 billion people on this Earth, then that is a LOT of differences. That means that given I have this pretty amazing man, maybe our differences are not only normal but a blessing… Common sense, right? But in a heated debate, who actually remembers that it’s ok to be different? I know I have failed at that and was ready to call it quits because for a second I was stupid enough to believe that he had to think like me in order for us to be happy… Ouch…

I’m getting side-tracked. Back to what I was trying to say. Anyway…

I’m absolutely moved by the French philosopher, Pierre Teilhard de Chardin. One of his most profound quotes, in my opinion was,

“We are not human beings having a spiritual experience. We are spiritual beings having a human experience.”

Again, this doesn’t have to ring true for everyone, but it does for me. And IF I choose for this to be true to me, then what am I doing with my life? What am I living for? I spend so much time and energy with my own personal improvement and growth, that I almost neglect that which keeps me grounded to this Earth in which my purpose is. I almost forget that strife became my strength. Loneliness became my appreciation for people and solid sense of Self. Coldness became my appreciation for warmth. All these experiences were like waves rushing in and out of my life. Some of the waves were bigger than others. Some of them were disastrous and humiliating. But all of them served a grand purpose- to make me a better swimmer (or surfer…whatever). And that’s precisely why we gotta stay grounded. That’s why we gotta keep one foot on the ground but one in the sky. Because that “sky” is our faith. It’s faith that is going to get us through, and our being grounded that is going to keep us connected to all those blessings that are so cleverly disguised as “problems”.  Everyone copes differently. I do it by meditating.
Meditation, schmeditation…

Some people think meditation is some kind of spiritual state of being in which you check out of Earth and transport to woo-woo lala land and never go back. Some people believe that meditation means that you don’t have any thoughts or feelings, or even that you have to be in some kind of silent state of being for an extended amount of time. Honestly, I don’t think it really matters what anyone thinks it is. If you are doing “meditation” in your own way and it’s working, that’s awesome.

My feeling is, if we are spiritual beings having a human experience, then why try to pretend that none of this “human experience crap” is happening? I was reminded that I am nothing without this physical world. Yup, even that jerk that is out there simply to be a jerk. My mission is not in the sky, not in some spiritual awakened state of being, it is being fully present in what, where, and who I am at this very moment. It is not getting distracted by the waves but finding and maintaining the connection to those around me (even the ones I don’t like), seeing them as part of this mission, part of The Plan.

What plan?

Last year I read a book, “Everyday Enlightenment” by Dan Millman. He stated, “What good does it do to pray like a saint or meditate like a yogi if we are unchanged when we open our eyes? What good does it do to attend a place of worship on Saturday or Sunday if we lack compassion on Monday?”

Maybe The Plan is really that simple- to see every day as my “place of worship”. To see every person, every moment as a chance to develop myself, to explore myself, to understand myself, to know myself, to LOVE myself. Maybe just learning how to be in that moment- every single moment of my life- is all I need. I don’t need to piss and moan about it. I don’t need to judge it as good or bad. All I need is to remember and have faith that every single moment of every single day of my life  is just as it should be.

“Faith is the courage to live your life as if everything that happens does so for your highest good and learning. Like it or not.” -Dan Millman

The problem, is that we get distracted, or bored and we set out on this journey looking for answers, looking for an escape, looking for something better, as if we are missing something, as if our lives are somehow incomplete, when actually what we need is right in front of us.

There’s this great Hindu proverb that explains the three great mysteries in life: Air to a bird, water to a fish, and mankind to a man. Often, we forget who we are, and what we are here for because we get so carried away with other things. We start to define ourselves by what is going on around us.

For example, when I was going through my divorce and custody battle, I saw every day as a war zone. It was fight or be killed. Anything I said was rejected. I began to determine that I would never escape from this madness. I was doomed till death in having to deal with this endless hell.
“Maybe I should just give up…” I thought. “Maybe this isn’t my battle.” I spiraled into a negative place of hopelessness. I felt my soul, my passion for life, my faith in humanity had been ripped from my body. But then I remembered, that this wave is not out to destroy me. This wave (or should I say, massive tsunami) is here for something greater, and as much as I want it to disappear, I need to get back to Me.

Maybe meditation is simply calming down those distracting thoughts, feelings of inadequacy, feelings of need, greed, anger, resentment, or boredom, and checking back in with yourself. For me, I don’t meditate to “be inspired” or to “find the answer” but come to a calm state, where there is nothing going on (no judging, no activity) because it is only then that I can really see what is going on and it is only then that it is quite clear what I need to do.

And this is meditation’s purpose- to reset ourselves. To put ourselves back into a level of clarity in which we can see things more clearly. That place in which we see the blessings and opportunities.

If we are to progress as humans we must shift with the changes and all that BS that pops up along the way, unfortunately is our little reminder of how far we have come and how far we have to go.

Going back to Dan Millman’s quote about faith, if everything that happens is for your highest good, then I supposed the situations that keep recurring are not punishments but God’s small way of saying, “try again! You can do it!”

This way of thinking may not work for everyone, and I always say “do what makes sense to you.” But for me, for now, it makes for a truly fulfilling, resourceful, resilient and productive life. After all, life is just a bunch of choices being thrown at us moment by moment, day by day. It’s all a choice. It’s that simple.

 

BTTB – Going Back to the Basics in Moments of Strife

Often times people will ask me for a “quick fix” to a specific problem that they may be having, and each time I try to reach into the back of my mind for quotes, books, movies or songs that helped me in my (one of several) times of struggle, and although there are so many inspiring messages out there, I always find myself going back to the same piece of advice – Find gratitude in this moment, because it is an essential piece to something greater.

When I was at the peak of my troubles- or should I say the birth of my freedom- I fell upon an audio book by someone I can’t remember now, but what they said stayed with me and it was to always maintain the attitude of gratitude. I think that came from “The Secret” or was at least inspired by it. The point was to trust that at this very moment, recognize that everything is just as it should be. To trust and recognize that you have everything you need for this very moment, and that the struggles were also a part of what I “need”. I’m not going to go into detail right now (perhaps some day I will) about what all that means, but I was at my greatest despair. I had taken a great leap of faith in ending an abusive marriage and took on two jobs to take care of my son and two dogs. I was scared, insecure, alone, and had been told for years that I would never be able to make it on my own. For me, having confidence in my decision was one thing, but being grateful for the repercussions that came out of it (a lot of hard work and navigating my life as a single mother all alone) was key.

It’s been 4 years, and although I’ve come really far, the inevitable downfalls in life will occasionally dampen my spirits. In those times, I like to remember the speech, “Gratitude” (spoken by Brother David Steindl-Rast, music by Gary Malkin, and Louis Schwartzberg’s cinematography):

“You think this is just another day in your life. It’s not just another day. It’s the one day that is given to you today. It’s given to you. It’s a gift. it’s the only gift that you have right now and the only appropriate response is gratefulness. If you do nothing else but to cultivate that response to the great gift that this unique day is, if you learn to respond as if it were the first day in your life and the very last day, then you will have spent this day very well.

Begin by opening your eyes and be surprised that you have eyes that can open. That incredible array of coors that is constantly offered to us for our pure enjoyment. Look at the sky. We so rarely look at the sky. We so rarely note how different it is from moment to moment with clouds coming and going. We just think of the weather, and even with the weather we don’t think of all the nuances of weather. We just think of good weather and bad weather.

This day right now is unique weather. Maybe a kind that will never be the same as it is right now. Open your eyes.

Look at that. Look at the faces of whom you meet. Each one has an incredible story behind their face. A story that you could never fully fathom. Not only their own story, but the story of their ancestors. We all go back so far. And in this present moment, on this day, all the people you meet, and all that life from generations and from so many places from all over the world, flows together and meets you here, like a life giving water, if you only open your heart and drink.

Open your heart to the incredible gift that civilization gives to us. You flip a switch and there is electric light. You turn a faucet and there is warm water and cold water, and drinkable water. It’s a gift that millions and millions of people in the world will never experience.

These are just a few of an enormous number of gifts that we can open our heart to. So I wish that you will open your heart to all these blessings and let them flow through you. Let everyone who you will meet be blessed by you. Just by your eyes, by your smile, by your touch, just by your presence. Let the gratefulness overflow into blessings all around you. And then, it will really be a good day.”