Working for a Paycheck or Waiting to Win the Lottery?

In a gratitude circle last week, the group went around listing what their hopes and goals were for the next year (2019). As people shared, I couldn’t help but shake the feeling that everyone was looking for the same thing: their life partner.

My turn was coming up and I couldn’t think of anything I had, specifically, laid out as my goal. I was content with my life. I didn’t feel like I needed to change anything. I didn’t feel like I needed to set any goals to meet someone special. But I remembered a message that came to me during meditation that reminded me: “If you want more joy, go out and give joy to others.” So I said my goal would be to find ways to bring more joy to this world.

I walked away from that meeting feeling confused. Why would anyone want to make a “goal” out of meeting their life partner? Coming from someone who has experienced so much loss, I always felt that people will just come in and out of your life as they are meant to, with or without your goal-setting efforts.

No one walks into a marriage thinking that one day they will lose their partner. No one has children thinking that their child will be ripped away from them. But you know what? It happens… ALL THE TIME. And it sucks… And most often, it’s the times when we weren’t doing anything that the most meaningful people walk right into our lives and end up staying. At least that’s been my experience.

I’ve found that when I put checklists on people’s existence in my life (who I need, when I need them, how I need them to be, etc.), I lose them pretty quickly, but when I keep my hands and heart open and let them just “be”, our relationships evolve and thrive. But that takes work, because love is about making the other person feel free. Free to be themselves, to be authentic, seen and acknowledged, accepted just as they are, and appreciated just as they are.

Driving home in the rain this song came on. There was something about the words that got me thinking…

It takes work. Relationships take work. Lots of work. But most of the work is internal. It’s about how we are showing up as the partner we want to be, the parent we want to be, the friend we want to be, the employee we want to be, the boss we want to be… Every day, little by little, with every encounter, and every relationship we chip away at becoming this person. And I couldn’t help but think: I don’t think “finding your life partner” is the goal. I don’t have enough life experience to say for 100%, but I don’t think being in a relationship is a means to an end to anything… If anything, it just adds to the work you’ve gotta keep chipping away at internally (figuring out how to live in peace and love someone other than yourself).

The lyrics:

“So if you wanna be with me
With these things there’s no telling
We just have to wait and see
But I’d rather be working for a paycheck
Than waiting to win the lottery
Besides, maybe this time is different
I mean, I really think you like me”
Relationships are hard (even when we find our “life partner”). We’re constantly looking for someone to come and fill the missing pieces inside ourselves, when really we can just work to be at peace with where we’re at. Because eventually, our life partner will walk into our life, and inevitably there’s still gonna be work to do both internally and now with the new relationship.
But as long as your partner really likes you and thinks working with you is just awesome and totally worth it… now that is when you hit the lottery. So why not work on liking yourself. Why not just work on liking being alone with yourself first? Then maybe someone will wanna like being with you too…

First Day of My Life

 

Finding “The One”

the one

If you want to find “the Perfect Person” you must die and go to heaven, because the Perfect Person does not exist on this Earth…

And what if we die and we find out there is no “heaven”?

What if we are all perfect, in our own unique ways. What if here, right now, is Heaven? What if we are creating our own Hell?

No one is without flaw. No one has their shit together. We don’t need to look for the perfect person, because that person does not exist. Nor will you ever be perfect, so don’t feel bad if you come with your own baggage.

Rather, focus on developing skills that help you cope with and overcome your unhealthy behaviors. Be with someone, who in their imperfections, also develops and cultivates healthy coping mechanisms to overcome their own unhealthy behaviors.

It’s inevitable that we will find ourselves with imperfect people. This is life. This is something we have absolutely no control over. But we always have a choice to put our focus and energy on cultivating healthy coping and processing tools, and to be in relationship only with those that value and commit to that same level of accountability.

We can spend our short earthly lives searching for things and people that simply do not exist… or we can put our energy on finding peace with who you are, and where you are in life right NOW…

Ironically, where we are in life and who we are is also constantly changing. Being able to flow like water in that inevitable changing… now THAT, I believe is heaven.

On Purpose

When we feel we belong, when we feel we have purpose, we thrive. Not only do we feel more motivated to do our daily tasks, but we are also less likely to get stuck in depression or remain discouraged when various things in life don’t go our way – because the external events don’t take you off course from your purpose.

purpose

Even if our set goals don’t work out as planned, we still see the bigger picture – the bigger PURPOSE, because goals aren’t our purpose. Goals are bullet points you put in place that enable to to act on your purpose.

goals

Your purpose is why you are here. Your purpose isn’t limited to one thing either. We can have many purposes in our life. Our purpose(s) aren’t what we “should” do, either, but rather what we feel in the depth of our heart, what we are called to do. And sometimes that isn’t always in line with what we want to do.

One of my purposes in life is to be the best mom I can be to my kids: to make them feel that they belong, to feel that they have a forever home, and to feel that they have an unconditionally loving and supportive family. In order to fulfill that purpose it takes work. I have to do things I don’t want to do, and be patient when I’m reeling inside and exhausted. I have to be a kind, loving, and cooperative co-parent with their father. That brings me to the other purpose: to be the best teammate I can be when working in collaboration with others.

When working on a team, this means I have to be considerate of their needs, wants, feelings, and also be patient and forgiving with them. If they slack off or drop the ball sometimes, I can extend compassion and patience, because I would want to be afforded that same level of patience and forgiveness when I inevitably screw up.

Being a good teammate is a learned skill. We aren’t born with it. It takes practice. In order to fulfill my purpose I have to practice it daily and look for opportunities in how I can apply it in my every day life. When I’m driving, I’m technically “collaborating” and working as a team with other drivers on the road to drive in a manner that does not reject their needs, desires, or safety. To do so I must be the best driver I can be. I should not text and drive, drink and drive, speed, or drive distracted, because to do so prioritizes MY desires over theirs, which is not good teamwork.

But putting others first NEVER means putting myself last. Being a pushover does NOT make a good teammate, because that would mean I’m lying to myself and others, and liars don’t make good teammates. When my teammates are not being a good teammate, I don’t need to hold resentment, because it is MY goal; it is MY purpose to serve as the best teammate, and my purpose may or may not be theirs. There is no “me” in team. It’s “we”. If I am thinking about doing something and my mind goes to, “well, what am I gonna get out of this?” it is best to simply not do whatever it is I was thinking of doing, because to do something in expectation of receiving something is NOT love. It is NOT good teamwork. I do it because it is in me to do it, because I want to do it, because it is action I choose to take (or not) to fulfill my purpose. To give with expectations of getting something in return is just begging to break my team with my bitterness and resentment. In being a great teammate, I know that my goal is not to shove the burden of carrying my emotional baggage onto someone else.

If I want to connect with them, and to share my feelings about their behavior, I know that the way I do that can be the way of a good teammate (loving, compassionate, open-minded, inquisitive, honest, and vulnerable), or like a bad teammate (accusatory, withdrawn, and resentful). Obviously, if I know what my purpose is, I know what I need to do.

Part of being a good teammate is being a good listener because it sends the message: what you have to say matters to me. Not just because I care about you, but because if I can’t understand you or where you’re coming from, I can’t serve my role as a good teammate very effectively. Being a good listener requires that I listen with the intention of understanding; not to judge, or respond, or defend my position.

The list goes on and on about how I can be a good teammate. But the point is, when we focus on our purpose, everything else just seems to make sense. Everything else just seems to “fall into place” just as it should. Every action or event in our life seems to perfectly serve our purpose. Every moment, every micro-moment, and every person that comes in and out of our lives has come to help you fulfill your purpose. Sometimes we think if they are not doing what we want them to do, they are not being a good teammate to us. We think they are trying to prevent us from achieving our goals. But what if we just changed the way we looked at things?

If you try to change the way you view the world, there is never a dull moment! Each opportunity is another grand opportunity for you to challenge yourself, to practice and polish your skills at whatever purpose you have, and become truly successful and fulfilled.

On Feeling Lonely

lonely teddy

A sinking feeling in my lower gut.
A dull feeling, almost that of feeling tired, sluggish, slow.
A lack of appetite.
A lack of feeling at ease.
A desire for distraction.

Run!
escape
Where is my phone? What’s on Facebook? Instagram?
Nothing.
Should I text someone? Start up a conversation? Will they sense my desperation?
What else can I look at, read, or do to take my mind off of things?
I know! I can work! I can bury myself in work. It makes me feel productive…
I’ll check email. All five accounts.
I’ll look at old pictures and re-read old texts.
Ugh, I feel worse.
Should I take a nap?

No matter where I ran, Lonely was right behind me. I couldn’t escape it.
The more I ran from it, it just got faster and bigger than me.
The more I hid from it, the louder it got.
The worse I felt.

So I decided to stop running from Lonely, look at it right in the eye and say…

“hello”

I was surprised at what I found:

Lonely was… me.
Not all of me. Just a part of me.
And she was beautiful.

She wasn’t the monster I had envisioned.
She wasn’t angry. She wasn’t crying. She wasn’t desperate and ugly.
She wasn’t weak and pathetic.
And when I looked at her right in the eye, she didn’t even make me feel any of those things I was feeling when I was running from her.

Lonely didn’t cause those feelings I was feeling.
It was running from her that caused them.

I asked her, “why were you chasing me? I was scared!”

She said, “why did you abandon me?”

Loneliness is an important part of us, and it is NOT the opposite of Joy. It’s a PART of Joy. You see, without Lonely we wouldn’t know Joy. Just like without Sad, we wouldn’t know Happy.

Joy expresses herself when we are with those that we cherish; Lonely expresses herself when we lose someone. It’s a beautiful part of us that tells us so much about ourselves. We aren’t “just Joy”, we are ALL of it on that spectrum.

Teddy bear

Lonely, in its hidden beauty, reminds us that we are human, that we are capable of and desire love, and that we care. It reminds us to keep our hearts soft, flexible, and open. It reminds us to say “sorry” when we make a mistake, and to forgive when we’ve been hurt. And that requires a tremendous amount of courage.

But the difference between Lonely and Joy is that Joy embraces us. Lonely requires that we embrace it.

There’s a fundamental rule in all relationships: that we can’t just take, take, take. We gotta give a little too. If all we do is sit and expect Joy to embrace us, Joy will leave us. So be brave and embrace Lonely. Don’t run. Just like you, all she wants is a hug and to be acknowledged.

Savoring the Experience…It’s All We Have

Early Spring/Summer mornings are my favorite because the night before, I like to open the window and sleep with great excitement for the morning when I can wake up to a fresh cool breeze, the sound of the fountain, and birds chirping. There’s something about that moment that pulls me into presence. I get out of my busy mind of “what do I need to get done today?” and into “aaaah, I LOVE this feeling…right now.” I feel a wave of peace roll over me where nothing matters but what is right in front of me: everything I have is everything I need. I need nothing more.

I took advantage of the time (6:30am on a Sunday) and went to the kitchen to make coffee. As I sit here on the patio sipping my coffee and writing this, I see geese flying over my home, an airplane, two mourning doves, a crow, and my pug staring at me with adoring eyes (or so I’d like to believe). It’s so quiet. I LOVE this feeling. Soon my children will wake up and the day will be filled with a different energy. The boys will play, and they will fight. There will be arguments about what’s for breakfast and how we will spend our day. Someone is going to get hurt and at some point we will all hug each other and make up. I will be exhausted for a majority of the time, but I LOVE this feeling. I am grateful for my children and for the incredible responsibility for being a parent.

And yet, every moment that I LOVE comes and goes. The sun is rising and people are starting to wake up and take their dogs out for walks. That moment I cherished- my joy- is now gone… but only in the form that I was experiencing. Joy is never ending. It will come again. This is life. It shows up in nearly everything we do: from eating a delicious meal to being in love in a relationship.

Love isn’t something we “get to keep.” It is simply an experience. Love is unconditional and within reach every day, all day. There is never a lack of love. Sometimes we think we lose love when we break up with someone we loved. But love is still there. It is within us always. We just got so used to feeling it in one form (the presence of another being) that we forgot about our very essence, which is love.

Just like everything in this world, from my morning calm, to a hot coffee, to parenting young boys, to being in a relationship, nothing lasts forever. Everything comes in and out of our lives. People. Things. Everything.

If we step into a relationship thinking, “Yay! I finally got what I wanted! Now I can finally be happy forever!” we will be extremely disappointed when that changes. The form of the relationship will change. Our feelings and others’ feelings will change. Relationships change. My sweet little boys that adore me will grow into teenagers and give me attitude…maybe…hopefully not!

And when things do inevitably change, we will become upset. We will think, “but this isn’t what I wanted. I need it to go back to the way I wanted it…the way it was.” Yes, wouldn’t that be nice… We will be disappointed time and time again as we hold onto our attachment to what was.

“Well, what’s wrong with that?” you might ask. There’s nothing wrong with wanting things to go back to the way things used to be. This is exactly the feeling that brings us to an important turning point- the point where we either suffer from our loss or thrive. That point is a choice. We can choose to cultivate resentment, bitterness, and anger toward the loss of what we wanted, or we can cultivate gratitude for the experience that brought us so much joy.

If we are to choose the former, we will miss out on the experience of knowing and feeling what it means to actually “love” unconditionally. And if love comes with conditions, it isn’t love. To experience love, we feel joy. To reject joy at the fear of losing love, is to hold love with conditions: “I will only love if I am guaranteed it will never change and never leave me.” That’s not love, it’s business. We forget that love is not an exchange, it is an experience. A “being”.

If we were to be honest with ourselves, we would all admit that even toward those that we claim to love, we are sometimes not very loving. We say or do things that are not loving at all. To experience love in its fullness, we are constantly brought to a moment in which we get to choose to be loving or not. Similarly, the people around us are constantly choosing, in every moment, if they want to be loving or not.

I have met many people who, when they don’t feel that their partner is being very loving at the moment, they jump in and out of other relationships because they believed that the only way to experience love is to feel loved by another. They go into relationship after relationship just to “fill” their emptiness… never really getting to know what it feels like to love.

It reminds me of a constant hunger that is never satisfied. Some people eat just to eat, and some people eat to enjoy the food. They eat to savor the flavors, aromas, and textures. They know the precious value that went into the growing of the vegetables, and seasonings, the picking of the fruits, and the labor that went into preparing the food. And with that gratitude for the experience, even a single bite is enough to feel full, satisfied, and joyful.

I think love is like that. It takes tremendous courage to love and be loved. So the more we open ourselves and become vulnerable, to share our minds and hearts and lives with another, even if it comes at the risk of losing that love sometime in the future, I still believe that it is better to love fully, than to never love at all.

And with that, the kids are up! Time to start the day!

Transformation and Healing in Relationships

pexels-photo-326625.jpegRelationships are created to assist both souls learn their lessons and balance their misdirected energy. When the lesson is learned, the karma is cleared and the contract has been fulfilled. Choosing to stay in these relationships becomes a choice. If both souls are willing to retrieve their lessons, step into a place of healing, and shift their consciousness, the relationship will evolve from one based on karma to one infused with the new energy and transformation.

Unfortunately, some souls do not always choose to evolve and heal. Some souls will choose to stay in the old energy where they will continue to recreate the same lessons over and over again, keeping them stuck in drama, trauma, and chaos. It will be very important for those of us choosing to take the high road (e.g., love) to not get caught up into other’s despair, confusion, and denial. This can be very hard to do because we care about the other person. However, we must respect their freedom to choose.

Compassionate detachment and discernment are absolutely necessary if we plan on continuing with our own personal healing and transforming our energy from hate into love. The one rule of all living things is our freedom of will, and many of us have given our freedom of will away. We must learn to say “no” when we need to, and “yes” when we feel it is for our highest good. Each of us must learn to stand in our own power and learn to discern what is a good investment of our time and energy.

Staying involved in toxic relationships will deplete us and keep us from moving forward (ultimately, it will keep the other from moving forward as well!) on our own soul’s advancement. The only person we are responsible for is our self. Everything outside ourselves is merely a reflection of the relationships we are having with our own inner being.

We teach others how to treat us by the way we treat ourselves, so when we make ourselves of equal value and stop sacrificing our energy in order to please others, we will build a sense of personal power, helping us to set up very strong boundaries. Keeping ourselves fully anchored on a love-based path by choosing not to get caught up in relationships that suck us dry and deplete our energy is not selfish; it actually serves the whole of humanity. We cannot be of service to humanity if we continue to allow others to pulls us down into the lower ego-based energies of confusion, chaos, denial, limited beliefs, addiction and drama. We need to pull ourselves out of denial and be really honest with ourselves and ask if our current relationships are based on Love or fear.

If they are based in fear, you will need to love yourself enough to disengage from anything that is disempowering and does not serve your highest good. Recognize your mistakes, bringing them into your awareness so you can transcend them. All mistakes should be immediately dealt with so the imbalanced energy will not be returned to you. The relationships here are the toxic ones where there is a split. One soul chooses to awaken and step into their empowerment, while the other soul chooses to stay in denial and refuses to change and accept responsibility for their unconscious creations. These souls will no longer be a good match, and will only create continued disharmony for each other. It will be up to you to listen to your heart when it tells you your contract with another soul is complete.

The only person who can decide this is you. You have total free will to choose which relationships serve you and which ones deplete you. If this relationship is meant to be a part of your life, give it the space it needs to heal. Release it with Love knowing that it will be returned to you if it is for your highest good. The highest way we can be of service to others is to stay in the higher vibrations of love, joy, peace, compassion, forgiveness and understanding, setting an example for others to follow.

On person holding their mastery core and radiating their energy can transmute the fear energy of hundreds of people who choose to keep themselves in limitation and fear. Set an example that others will want to follow. When we remain in the higher frequencies we lift each other up!

Each of us will need to stay in alignment with our spirit, listen to our heart, and choose not to allow other people’s unconscious behaviors, motivated by their ego, throw us out of alignment with our core. Stepping into a place of detachment, surrender, and allowance for others is absolutely necessary. They have free will and every right to choose to stay stagnant in their soul’s evolution. It will become imperative to look at everything from a bigger perspective, instead of from a human perspective and know that there is always divine order and a bigger picture in every event that occurs.

We are all on different consciousness levels with the free will to choose whether we want to move towards the higher energy of Love or stay stuck in the lower energy realms of limitation. Sometimes it takes others more time and many more lives before they will finally surrender their ego and move forward into enlightenment.

The best way to live, is to always ask yourself:
Is this relationship, activity, thought, or belief:
1) For my highest good?
2) A wise energy investment?
3) Going to enhance or deplete my light?
4) In line with my being?
5) Contracting my energy through fear or expanding my energy with love?

*Disclaimer: I found this in my diary from way back. It must be from some class I took, and I don’t remember which one it was or who it was by. Possibly Abraham Hicks?

A Prayer for World Peace

monk-hands-faith-person-45178.jpeg(This excerpt is from the book is called “Pray, Meditate, or Both?”)

A common question is, “What’s the harm in praying for world peace?” And the problem is in the idea that it’s somebody else’s responsibility to make peace happen. It begins with you. So if you want to know how close we are to world peace, look within.

Prayer and meditation are both wonderful. In-fact, reciting a prayer is a common meditation practice (like the prayer of Saint Francis of Assisi, for example). Where there is hatred within, train your mind to sow love; where there is injury, pardon; where there is doubt, faith; where there is despair, hope; where there is darkness, light; and where there is sadness, joy. Do not so much seek to be consoled as to console; to be understood as to understand; or to be loved as to love; for it’s in giving that we receive, it’s in pardoning that we are pardoned, and it’s by letting go of the concept of a separate “self”, that we are born to eternal life.

By being grateful for what we have, we generate energy toward more of the same. So don’t focus on what you DON’T have, because energy flows where attention goes (you would just wind up with more of what you don’t want). Meditate to keep your mind firmly fixed in the right direction, and it will raise your awareness of things to be grateful-for in your prayers. See the beautiful relationship between the two practices?

 

The Courage to Feel Pain

Deep inside of us lies a pain that continues to mask itself as anger. And whenever something triggers this pain, we put our mask on and lash out in anger. We seek revenge to the person who reminded us of that pain. We demand revenge, or justice, not realizing that what’s really going on is a pain that’s been hiding deep inside of us. When awoken, it is simply asking for us to release it, to free it from its mask and let it come out just as it is. As pain. As tears. But we deny it’s freedom. We refuse to cry. It is far too scary for us to feel pain than to feel anger.

For so many years, the mask of anger has protected us all too well, so well that in fact, we have forgotten what it really was. Anger becomes our mighty shield, and we turn to that shield as a default, because it always works. It deflects any accountability and keeps us a victim. We continue to blame all our problems and discomforts on everything and everyone but ourselves. We get to shift all responsibility onto that which is causing us discomfort and this makes us feel in control. We believe that if they were not in our way, we would have what we need, and what we want. We make life, peace, and happiness conditional on external forces changing for our comfort and pleasure. And this keeps us a victim. And when we continue to hold this belief, and continue to allow our mask of anger to cover our truth, we get nothing but more anger. And we imprison ourselves and give our keys of freedom to those that continue to disappoint and anger us. Because after all, if it weren’t for them, life would be perfect… right?

But what if they weren’t there to blame? And what if, even in their absence, life wasn’t perfect? Then who is to blame?

So long as we are human, we will always experience disappointment and betrayal, and as much as we prefer differently, we don’t get to choose what disappointment and betrayal we get to experience. And to those who have hurt us, we don’t get to choose what type of justice is served, or even if it is served at all. But what we do get to choose is our attitude and response to the disappointment. Do we hold tight to our suffering, hold it as a weapon, and hide behind our disappointment with the mask of anger? Do we draw our sword and inflict pain on those who have hurt us? Tempting? Yes… But it does not solve the problem.

Healing is always an option and unfortunately, the only way out of our pain is through it. The first step to healing is to accept that the pain is there, it is real, and to actually feel it. That means to feel pretty crappy for a bit. And then you move on. Most of us aren’t comfortable with feeling crappy for even a short period of time.  When we can put the blame on something outside of ourselves, it somehow makes the suffering less intense- because we have suddenly relieves ourselves from having to feel any responsibility in dealing with the pain that came as a result of experiencing the disappointment.

Sadly, we spend the most energy on maintaining our victimhood. We want the person who disappointed us to feel as bad, if not worse, than we do. We demand that pain be spread evenly, and that all the world go blind in our effort to honor our sacred belief of “an eye for an eye”. Never once do we stop and think, “Maybe it is not just “me” that is suffering, but that the whole world is suffering”.

Not one person on this earth is immune to pain, suffering, disappointment, grief and loss. Rather than see outside our own immediate frustrations, we ruminate. We hold hatred and anger deep in our heart. It is so difficult to see beyond ourselves. It is so difficult to see the pain in others when we are so focused on our own.

The truth of our humanity is that we all are hurting in so many ways, and more often than not, we have absolutely no control over it. Knowing this reality, where do we want to invest our energy? There are only two choices: contribute to the pain or to strive to alleviate it.

May all beings be peaceful.
May all beings be happy.
May all beings be safe.
May all beings awaken to
the light of their true nature.
May all beings be free.

 

On Love & Rigidity


A very dear friend of mine will send me songs every now and then, to listen to. Every time I get one, it feels like a little gift wrapped up, waiting to be unwrapped, listened to, and enjoyed. They are all new, and all different. It’s one of those small things I secretly, anxiously look forward to… 

There was one song that I particularly loved. I listened to it over and over. Curiosity crept in and I wanted to know the lyrics, so I searched for it on YouTube and found a version with lyrics. I was shocked to read the lyrics. Maybe I’m getting old, or maybe I’m just too sensitive. But the lyrics triggered something inside me and I suddenly judged this song, that I had loved so much, as a bad song, and decided I couldn’t listen to it anymore.

It seems silly, I know. But it made me realize how quick we are to put meaning on something, leaving us to separate ourselves from people and things that would or could have otherwise, brought us significant joy…

Blinded by my ego, or fear, maybe both, I told my friend that I had listened to the lyrics and decided I couldn’t listen to it anymore. He laughed and said the lyrics were not bad at all. It turns out out the version he sent me was a clean version and the YouTube version was the explicit version. I laughed at myself for being so quick to judge- so rigid… 

What a simple example but HUGE growth opportunity almost missed. Maybe… just maybe… people are like songs. ALL unique. All beautiful. Each one has its own purpose. Some are liked more than others. All having their own origin, roots, and depth. But it’s all beautiful in its own way, and when we start placing meaning on each one, based on our biased perspectives and experiences, we have to be careful about labeling it as good or bad. 

If we see everyone as a unique song, maybe it would be easier to just enjoy the music…and maybe even dance. 

On Being Lonely

9

We become lonely because we yearn for connection from another human being. We desire to be heard, understood, and appreciated. And when these fundamental needs aren’t met, we feel lonely.

With these feelings we look outward for friends, events, romantic partners, and sometimes even addictions to fill that empty feeling looming deep inside of us.

And when we finally find that friend, romantic partner, or we go to event after event, we still feel empty in the short breaks in between. And we take great notice of that lonely feeling, and more often than not, we are pulled to fill even those small moments with anything so long as we don’t feel that loneliness.

The moment in which we feel the most connected with another person, is when we feel vulnerable. Why? Because we have exposed ourselves, our hearts. We have allowed another person to sit with that with which we were uncomfortable sitting alone with. And when we find that even under our deepest vulnerabilities and flaws, we are still loved, we are still valued, we are still WORTHY, it is then that we feel complete.

Paradoxically, without other people, we are incapable of “exposing” our vulnerabilities, yet it is precisely these vulnerabilities that we are afraid of exposing for fear that we will be rejected. Being vulnerable takes risk. It takes being humble, and a bit of humility. Being vulnerable takes a tremendous amount of courage. Most importantly, being vulnerable means being human. We are all flawed.

There’s a catch, and it’s a rather big catch. The trick to maintaining that feeling of being whole is to embrace all those vulnerabilities on your own. Being whole isn’t contingent on anyone but yourself. So if you find yourself courageous enough to humble yourself and become vulnerable, in that moment of vulnerability, know that it is not to gain acceptance or love by another but to live in your truth. And yes, if there is anything that you see in yourself that you do not like, you alone are responsible for changing it.

People are mirrors that reflect both the things we love about ourselves and the things we despise. This is why being vulnerable and true in your relationship is so important- to clearly see what is being reflected back to us.

When you begin loving and embracing who you are, we begin to love ourselves, and when we end up in moments with ourselves, we suddenly realize, we are not alone, and we are whole.